Life - an Impromptu show

Yesterday was a particularly emotional day for me. You see, my son would have been 26. Actually, I did fairly well most of the day.I managed to pretend that everything was fine and business as usual, even though the date on the calendar was like a mental slap for me. My daughter called late in the evening to see how I was taking it. She too felt that odd sadness. She asked if I was djing and if maybe I could dedicate a song to him. I pulled the song into the que, and click the talk button...damn...even I can hear the tears in my voice...so I keep it short and simple, anxious not to break down on air, but wanting and needing to do this simple thing, that seems suddenly as difficult as any obstacle course I've ran. Elton sings about a candle in the wind, and I am telling myself that I can not change nor alter this. I need to suck it up and move on. Yeah..it was a sad, hurtful thing, but it belongs to the past, the pain shouldn't feel so fresh and new. Truth is life doesn't play fair. No matter, what you may feel or think in that moment, there are those who have survived much worse. Besides, as the saying goes, "the show must go on." Isn't that all Life really is? An impromptu show.
Memories wouldn't let me sleep last night. I know I dozed and dreamt of him. Odd dreams, that only leave that cobweb residue behind on waking. You know the subject but no details.
It strikes me odd, that I cry now, but stood dry eyed at his funeral. Some whispered that I was a rock..some that I was an unfeeling bitch...I think sometimes, hurt goes so deep as to be an echo in the soul. You either shatter, or you withstand it. Perhaps, I have finally healed enough for the tears to come to the surface. As I said before life doesn't play fair, and we've no script to follow. All we can do is the best we can, change what we can, and accept that which we can not change. That last bit there, that is the hardest thing of all. I know first hand, even in the accepting, the pain doesn't go away. Sometimes, it slumbers, but it is always there.
However, today is a new day, and the skies are blue. The leaves are turning all crimson and gold. It's unseasonably warm, and I can hear small children laughing at play. Fall is upon us and with it comes the children of children I use to know. "Can you make me costume, like you use to for my mommy/daddy?" I smile and am warmed by the memory of another little child who use to say, "Mommy, can you make me?"